The Rabbi

Rabbi Jeremiah, I am confused by the connection between your stock-bound, beaten state and Passover (?). Are you lamenting the place you have been brought without hope of relief? Does there seem to be no end to the public torment, is this the trouble? Do you compare yourself to the Passover sacrifice, blood publicly spilt to be wiped as God’s substitute for His own justice? Are you just stuck there, between God and the people, eternally internalizing His wrath, and He is never moving on from that state of wrath? Forgive me, I do not understand the words.

How can you, Jeremiah, show yourself to be any more valid of a prophet than Passhur? The people long for hope of deliverance, blessing from God in material stuff, yet you deny them all this, you give to them a God which defies their definition of Godhood… He Himself has embedded this spirit of the Sitra Achra within you, so you are caught in burning agony if you do not confess His heart, yet the people abuse you when you do. You know by now the pain of Yhwh is worse than anything man can do to you, but perpetual abuse by God and man? How do you bear it? Grief, mourning, and agony, yet nothing compared to the state of your tormentors, for that fire in your bones will engulf and perpetually diminish them. While you may be consumed by His passionate fire of His being, your submission to the flames, laying aside yourself draws you into Yhwh rather than forcing His hand to bring you under.

So you are not Isaiah’s man, you do not atone before Yhwh for mankind? With the appearance of Passover, maybe you are too distinct from Yhwh to be able to atone to His face. What distinguishes you from this man to come in your eyes? Maybe nothing other than seeing self and realizing it is still too prevalent while yet submitting to the will of God? I marvel that you, knowing you cannot see all you are to Yhwh are so sure that you are not the one who is to come.

Yhwh’s seduction always is far more conniving than portrayed… the deviousness of God evidences itself in the abuse of His people. He draws us with sweet words into a trap of covenantal love, wherein we are disposed of self-ownership and powerless to render an outcome to our situation. We are mere pawns in the hands of the Almighty whom we believed to be our lover. We are powerless to defend self, abandoned by force into the power of Yhwh. We wonder why we even bother to resist, yet I do, daily… even when I enjoy the moments of His attention, I ache to tear away and preserve self. But I have been torn out of all that I am, convinced that giving over my heart would mean safekeeping, not the brutal wrenching out of self from body. You have dehumanized, traumatized, Yhwh my Lover. I love You, I cannot help myself, and yet You take advantage of that love and push me under water. Baptism? This is more of a drowning, my soul has no desire to fight You off.

Can one remain in a state of drownedness and not fight the water in the lungs, how can one realize one is being raped and not fight the attacker? Have You expected us, Your faithful, to remain in a state of submission even to You most poignant destruction? You threaten me with fire if I run, where can I turn to? What can I be but overcome? And Yhwh continually makes you, Jeremiah, a liar by His faithfulness. What has His faithfulness to you, is it a reduction in love to perpetually frame? Or can He harm you the most, is this a sign of affection/closeness to be hurt? How do you understand His love, stuck here?

I look at my world and see many who defer to others the right to never have been born. Reading an article from 29 November 2001 by John Lichfield, the French Supreme Court determined that children with Down’s syndrome “have a legal right never to have been born.” Jesus speak this? You feel the dual fires… if you obey, you are crucified in your body, if disobedient to Yhwh, He will crucify your soul with unending terror. Maybe you speak like Paul, the situation has gone beyond negotiable control, any movement brings pain, the situation edges closer to unbearable each moment of every day. So to live is for Yhwh and to die is gain. I understand why you would bemoan your life… does your soul bemoan its existence? How long can you bear such a though until you are tempted to action? You are no longer your own, you cannot end the life, only beg Yhwh to end the misery swiftly. Maybe you are fated to spiral down, the upliftingness being death itself. Would your soul be better off if it had been harmed into existence?