The Rabbi

I like the Jewish and Catholic idea of trying to make my good deeds outweigh my bad, that is my atonement. I want to love God enough to confess and stop. My faith is insufficient. But I won't give up, I can't. I know all who love Him do the same.

Jesus said that if I loved Him, I'd obey His commands. But I break the same commands over and over. Then I confess, feel horribly rotten, dispel the belief that I CANNOT succeed, and come back to the truths that I am no longer a slave to sin, that I cannot do this on my own, but God has not placed me in any temptation that I cannot escape/bear through in His strength...I memorize the verses to fight that sin, post them on my mirrors, on my walls, even put them in my pocket for at work.I pray so sincerely (I think) that I will not do this again, taht God will bring His Word to mind....and then, in the next moment I commit the same sin AGAIN. I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Do I really love Him? If not, how do I learn to love Him more? Do I not have enough faith in the truths of His promises? How do I increase my faith? Am I relying on myself? How do I "give it all I've got" and still thrust myself completely in my Master's arms and depend on Him? How do I progress and get out of the sin ruts I find myself in? These are the questions that plague me. Sin makes life so complicated.